Attachment Style May Shape Whether Solitude Feels Peaceful or Painful

New research suggests that the way adults form emotional bonds with others can strongly influence whether time spent alone feels restorative or painfully lonely. The study, conducted among Australian adults, links insecure attachment styles with a greater tendency toward unwanted, non-self-determined solitude and higher levels of loneliness.

The findings, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, add nuance to psychologists’ understanding of loneliness. The results point to an important distinction between choosing to be alone for positive reasons and finding oneself alone because of rejection, anxiety, or avoidance.

Loneliness versus being alone

Loneliness is the distress that arises when people feel their relationships are fewer, weaker, or less satisfying than they would like. It differs from simply being physically alone because some individuals actively enjoy solitude and do not feel lonely when they are by themselves.

Others can feel lonely even in a crowd if they lack a sense of closeness, understanding, or belonging. Loneliness may be temporary during life transitions, but it can also become chronic and begin affecting both mental and physical health over time.

Researchers distinguish between emotional loneliness, which stems from the absence of a close attachment figure, and social loneliness, which reflects feeling disconnected from a group or community. Both forms are associated with sadness, anxiety, sleep problems, and elevated stress levels.

Attachment styles and solitude

Attachment orientations describe characteristic patterns of feeling and behaving in close relationships. People high in attachment anxiety tend to fear rejection or abandonment, while those high in attachment avoidance often feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness and dependence.

High levels of anxiety or avoidance are considered forms of insecure attachment, whereas secure attachment is characterized by low levels on both dimensions. Previous research has linked insecure attachment to relationship difficulties and greater vulnerability to loneliness.

Study author Samantha O’Brien and colleagues explored how these attachment orientations relate to people’s motivations for spending time alone and how those motivations, in turn, predict loneliness. They focused on the distinction between self-determined and non-self-determined solitude.

Why people choose to be alone

Self-determined motivation for solitude refers to choosing to be alone because it feels calming, meaningful, or conducive to reflection and creativity. People in this category view solitude as personally rewarding and under their own control.

Non-self-determined motivation for solitude, by contrast, involves being alone because of external pressures, rejection by others, social anxiety, or a sense of having no real choice. This form of solitude is more likely to feel imposed rather than freely chosen.

The researchers proposed that insecure attachment may push people toward non-self-determined solitude, thereby increasing loneliness. At the same time, more avoidant individuals may sometimes pursue self-determined solitude that could protect against loneliness.

How the study was conducted

The team surveyed 548 Australian adults recruited from the community and a university participant pool. After excluding those who failed attention checks, 476 participants remained. Most were students and women, with 59 percent under the age of 30.

Participants first completed an online questionnaire measuring adult attachment orientations using the Experiences in Close Relationships Scale – Short Form. They also completed the Motivation for Solitude Scale – Short Form to assess why they spend time alone.

One week later, the same individuals completed the brief UCLA 3-Item Loneliness Scale. This design allowed the researchers to examine how attachment orientations and solitude motivations measured at one point in time were associated with self-reported loneliness one week later.

Key results on attachment and loneliness

Adults with less secure attachment orientations, whether anxious or avoidant, were more likely to report stronger non-self-determined motivations for solitude. These individuals also tended to experience higher levels of loneliness overall.

In simple correlational analyses, self-determined solitude showed little association with either attachment style or loneliness. It did, however, display a weak relationship with non-self-determined solitude, suggesting some overlap between the two motivations.

The researchers then tested a more complex statistical model in which both attachment dimensions influenced both forms of solitude motivation, which in turn predicted loneliness. This approach revealed patterns that were not apparent in the simpler analyses.

Non-chosen solitude as a key pathway

The analyses indicated that both anxious and avoidant attachment orientations increased people’s tendency toward non-self-determined solitude. In turn, this unwanted, externally driven solitude was associated with higher levels of loneliness, acting as a mediating factor.

In other words, individuals who struggle to feel secure in relationships may find themselves alone for reasons related to rejection, fear, or avoidance rather than genuine preference. This non-chosen solitude appears to be one mechanism that helps explain why they often feel lonelier.

The authors argue that targeting this pathway may represent a promising direction for intervention. Helping people shift from imposed isolation toward more freely chosen and meaningful alone time could buffer some of the emotional costs associated with insecure attachment.

Can chosen solitude reduce loneliness?

The model also suggested a potentially protective effect among people high in attachment avoidance. In this group, greater self-determined motivation for solitude appeared to slightly reduce loneliness, although the effect fell just short of conventional statistical significance.

This pattern aligns with earlier research suggesting that some avoidantly attached individuals value autonomy and may benefit from purposeful, self-directed time alone. However, because the effect was relatively weak, it should be interpreted cautiously and examined further in future studies.

Importantly, self-determined solitude did not mediate the relationship between anxious attachment and loneliness. For people high in attachment anxiety, simply choosing to spend time alone does not appear to offset deeper fears of rejection and abandonment.

Limits and implications of the study

The authors emphasize that the study design cannot establish cause and effect because all measures were collected within a relatively short time frame and relied on self-report data. Other unmeasured factors, such as personality traits, social skills, or life events, may also contribute to the observed associations.

They also note that the relationships between self-determined solitude, loneliness, and attachment styles became apparent only when multiple variables were examined together. When considered individually, these associations largely disappeared, highlighting the complexity of the underlying relationships.

Despite these limitations, the study deepens understanding of how attachment orientations shape social experiences. It suggests that not all solitude is the same and that the reasons people are alone may matter just as much as how often they are alone.

For clinicians and policymakers concerned about rising loneliness, the findings underscore the importance of fostering secure relationships while also supporting healthier, self-chosen forms of solitude. Interventions that strengthen emotional security and reduce unwanted isolation may be particularly beneficial.

Article prepared by Victoria Caldwell.