Researchers Uncover Three Psychological Profiles of People Who Lie to Their Partners

New psychological research is shedding light on how and why people lie to their romantic partners, suggesting that most individuals who engage in deception fall into three broad behavioral patterns. The findings, published in the journals Social and Personal Relationships and Personal Relationships, link everyday dishonesty to underlying attachment styles and personality traits.

The research, led by Tim Cole of DePaul University and co-author Kellie Stonebrook, suggests that deception in romantic relationships serves multiple functions, ranging from preserving harmony to exerting control. According to the authors, the motives behind a lie may reveal more about relationship health than the lie itself.

Seven Core Motives for Romantic Deception

In the first phase of the study, the researchers developed the Motives for Romantic Deception Scale using responses from 926 adults in the United States. Participants evaluated a broad range of possible reasons for lying to a romantic partner, which were then refined into seven recurring motives through statistical analysis.

These motives included avoiding conflict, sparing a partner’s feelings, concealing mistakes, protecting privacy, seeking attention, avoiding sexual intimacy, and intentionally causing harm. A second sample of 740 participants was used to validate the scale, confirming that these seven categories reliably captured the primary reasons people deceive their partners.

The researchers then examined how these motives were associated with adult attachment styles. Individuals with avoidant attachment were more likely to lie to protect their privacy and avoid physical intimacy, reflecting a preference for emotional distance. In contrast, those with anxious attachment were more likely to lie to gain attention or conceal mistakes, often driven by fear of rejection.

Three Distinct Profiles of Deception

In the second study, 567 adults in long-term relationships completed the deception scale along with assessments of attachment style and dark personality traits. Participants also reported their relationship satisfaction and how frequently they lied to their partners.

Using latent profile analysis, the researchers identified three distinct groups.

The first group, Transparent Partners, represented 38% of participants. These individuals rarely lied, demonstrated secure attachment, and reported the highest levels of relationship satisfaction. They also scored very low on narcissism, psychopathy, Machiavellianism, and everyday sadism.

The largest group, Strategic Soothers, accounted for 48% of participants. They primarily lied to avoid conflict, spare their partner’s feelings, conceal mistakes, or protect their privacy. They generally avoided deception intended to cause harm or attract attention and showed moderate relationship satisfaction along with average levels of attachment insecurity.

The smallest group, Antagonistic Strategists, represented 14% of participants. These individuals endorsed nearly every motive for deception, including harming their partner, seeking attention, and avoiding sexual intimacy. They reported the lowest relationship satisfaction and displayed high levels of attachment insecurity as well as elevated scores across all four dark personality traits.

Why the Motive Behind a Lie Matters

The researchers noted striking differences between the three groups, particularly in deception frequency and relationship quality. For example, Transparent Partners and Antagonistic Strategists differed by more than two standard deviations in their reported tendency to lie.

Interestingly, Strategic Soothers and Antagonistic Strategists showed similar levels of attachment insecurity. This suggests that insecurity alone does not necessarily lead to harmful deception. Instead, antagonistic personality traits, such as narcissism and psychopathy, appear to distinguish individuals who use lies for manipulation and control from those who lie mainly to maintain relationship harmony.

For clinicians, these findings suggest that different patterns of deception may require different therapeutic approaches. Strategic Soothers may benefit from learning to tolerate conflict and communicate honestly without fearing relationship loss. In contrast, working with Antagonistic Strategists may require a stronger emphasis on personal accountability, healthy boundaries, and addressing manipulative behaviors.

Study Limitations and Future Directions

The researchers acknowledge several limitations. Most participants were White and relatively affluent, meaning the findings may not fully represent more diverse populations or cultures with different norms regarding honesty and intimate relationships.

The studies also did not examine the specific subjects of deception, such as financial matters or sexual behavior, which may have different emotional consequences. In addition, because the research was cross-sectional, it can identify associations but cannot establish cause-and-effect relationships over time.

Cole and Stonebrook plan to expand this research by exploring how trust, empathy, guilt, jealousy, and forgiveness interact with different patterns of deception. They also intend to study both members of couples and follow them over time to better understand how different deception profiles influence long-term relationship outcomes.

Overall, the findings suggest that although many people lie primarily to preserve their relationships, this strategy does not completely protect them from the effects of attachment insecurity. Individuals who rely on more calculated and harmful forms of deception appear to place both their partners and their relationships at significantly greater risk.

Article prepared by Victoria Caldwell.