Some Women Use Kindness as a Form of Manipulation and Social Competition, Study Finds

New research suggests that some women use kindness and generosity as deliberate strategies to outmaneuver social rivals, blurring the line between cooperation and competition. The findings indicate that altruistic behavior can sometimes serve as a subtle way to gain status and influence.

The study, published in Frontiers in Psychology, focuses on competitive altruism, a concept describing how helpful actions can be used to enhance one's reputation. Lead author Maryanne Fisher of Saint Mary’s University and her colleagues examined how this behavior appears in women's everyday social interactions.

Competitive altruism was initially studied primarily in men, often through bold, public displays of generosity. Earlier experiments showed that highly visible sacrifices could improve a man's standing within a group and increase his attractiveness as a potential partner, particularly in the presence of prospective mates.

However, research into women's social strategies has long suggested that women often avoid direct confrontation, favoring more indirect and lower-risk forms of competition. These may include gossip, social exclusion and careful reputation management rather than open rivalry.

Study design and survey tools

To investigate whether kindness itself can become a tool of indirect competition, Fisher's team developed the Competitive Altruism Survey. The questionnaire was designed to assess how frequently women report using generosity strategically to appear more favorable than a rival or secure future advantages.

Researchers recruited 103 heterosexual cisgender women aged 18 to 45, primarily from the United Kingdom, the United States and Canada, through an online platform. Participants rated 15 statements about tactical kindness twice: once in relation to their behavior toward women and once regarding men.

Participants also completed personality questionnaires, including a standard measure of Machiavellianism, which reflects a tendency to view social relationships as opportunities for manipulation and personal gain. Additional scales assessed traits such as agreeableness and the tendency to provide overly virtuous or socially desirable responses.

On a scale from 1 to 5, the average competitive altruism score was 2.51, below the neutral midpoint. This suggests that most participants did not strongly identify with regularly using kindness for explicitly strategic purposes, at least according to their self-reports.

Key findings on personality links

Despite relatively modest average scores, distinct personality patterns emerged among women who reported greater use of strategic kindness. Competitive altruism showed a strong positive association with Machiavellianism, suggesting a more manipulative approach to social relationships.

By contrast, competitive altruism was negatively associated with agreeableness, a personality trait linked to warmth, trust and genuine cooperation. Women who acknowledged using generosity strategically were more likely to view social interactions as opportunities for personal advantage rather than purely collaborative experiences.

Extraversion and conscientiousness, two other major personality traits, showed no significant association with competitive altruism. This suggests that being outgoing or organized does not necessarily predict whether someone will use kindness as a competitive strategy.

Neuroticism was associated less with strategic kindness itself than with the emotional consequences surrounding it. Women scoring higher in neuroticism were more likely to worry that their kindness might appear insincere or feel distressed when their generous actions went unrecognized.

Women versus women, and women versus men

The intended audience also influenced the results. Participants reported slightly but consistently higher levels of competitive altruism toward other women, averaging 2.58, compared with 2.43 toward men. This pattern aligns with previous research suggesting that much of women's social competition occurs within same-sex peer groups.

Respondents frequently described using additional warmth and helpfulness to gain allies, impress superiors or maintain a favorable reputation among other women. Such behavior can also subtly disadvantage perceived rivals without direct confrontation, supporting existing theories of indirect competition.

The researchers collected open-ended descriptions of observed strategic kindness from 101 participants. Many recalled situations in which gifts, favors or conspicuous helpfulness created feelings of obligation or made the giver appear virtuous, even when their private behavior was less friendly.

Some accounts described women showing exaggerated kindness toward men in romantic or professional settings while appearing neutral toward female peers. Others involved colleagues who were supportive and welcoming in public but dismissive or critical behind closed doors.

Unexpected openness about manipulation

One of the more unexpected findings was a negative association between competitive altruism and impression management, a measure of efforts to appear consistently virtuous. Researchers had anticipated that people using kindness strategically would also be especially concerned with maintaining a morally flawless image.

Instead, women who acknowledged using kindness as a competitive tool were relatively open about their motives. They appeared less concerned with presenting an idealized image in the survey and scored lower on the need for social approval, suggesting greater comfort with being perceived as calculating.

When comparing themselves with their peers, these participants tended to describe themselves as more manipulative, deceptive and fake, as well as less honest than other women their age. At the same time, they considered themselves more popular, although not necessarily kinder or more generous overall.

This willingness to acknowledge manipulation raises the possibility that the survey captures only a particular group of strategically kind individuals: those prepared to admit their behavior. Women who place greater importance on maintaining an impeccable reputation may be underrepresented in self-reported findings.

Implications and unanswered questions

The authors and outside experts emphasize that the results should not be interpreted as evidence that most kindness is insincere or that women are uniquely deceptive. On average, participants did not strongly endorse using kindness for competitive purposes.

Rather, the findings suggest that generosity can sometimes serve two purposes simultaneously: benefiting others while advancing one's own social position. As psychologist Daniel Farrelly noted, the study provides further support for the idea that women often engage in competition through indirect, reputation-based strategies.

Importantly, the research does not establish whether strategic kindness is actually effective. The questionnaire measured intentions and self-reported behavior but did not examine whether recipients subsequently offered greater status, cooperation or opportunities.

Fisher and her colleagues are planning follow-up research using observational approaches, including economic games and partner-choice tasks in which generosity can be made more or less visible. These methods could help determine whether competitive altruism successfully produces social rewards.

Limitations and future directions

The sample of 103 participants was relatively small, and all were heterosexual cisgender women drawn largely from Western, English-speaking societies. Because cultural expectations influence how rivalry, generosity and self-presentation are expressed, the findings may not generalize to other populations.

Reliance on self-reported information introduces further limitations. Individuals may minimize or fail to recognize their own strategic intentions, particularly when their self-image depends on being perceived as kind and cooperative.

Experts also highlight the importance of comparing these patterns with men's behavior. Although previous studies have focused on men's public displays of generosity, similar indirect strategies may occur across genders and differ according to social context and audience.

The research contributes to a broader reconsideration of altruism in social science, suggesting that prosocial behavior and competition are not necessarily opposites. In everyday situations, helpful actions may reflect both sincere concern for others and calculated efforts to improve social standing.

The study, titled Kill them with kindness: preliminary evidence for women’s competitive altruism, illustrates how ordinary acts of kindness can involve complex motivations. Future research may clarify when generosity reflects genuine care, when it serves strategic goals and how frequently it influences social hierarchies.

Article prepared by Victoria Caldwell.